just as i suspected

moving 3000 miles away doesn’t solve all your problems. they just follow you. i’ve settled into a lot of the same habits i have in santa monica. throwing my clothes on the floor when i undress, having my belongings strewn about in some sort of organized chaos, wanting to sleep past 8:30, flaking out on plans because i’m tired and had a bad day.i know it’s worse because i’m PMSing, but i’m really looking forward to going home. there are some things that i’ve realized while being out here. some friendships that haven’t stood the test of distance.fuck you. seriously. fuck you. who the fuck do you think you are? i always thought i was more myself around you than anybody, but you’ve now created the greatest divide. i don’t know how to act around you. i’ve lost our sense of closeness. i don’t feel safe with you. i hate you for hurting me. i hate myself for letting you.i can’t believe i’ve settled for so long. i keep saying i’m going to do something, but when do i give myself the extra push?  

spoiled after 3 days.

when i got home tonight, the doorlady asked me how my day was. 

 

i really like having a doorlady. 

charmed, i’m sure.

the first morning i was in new york, i put on a light sweater, a light sweatshirt, a jacket, and scarf and headed out the door, prepared for the cold. a blast of cold air hit me in the face as i exited the apartment building, and i started to walk. i passed a courtyard with a man sitting on a bench sipping coffee, a blacktop where two women played tennis while their dogs chased after the balls, and the 6th Ave fire department, where all of the firemen were standing outside in their yellow pants, and t-shirts. i know it sounds unbelievably cheesy, but i literally could not help smiling at them, and feeling almost patriotic that i was in their presence. i know, i know. i’m super lame. but i always get sappy when i think about all the 9-11 stuff. plus, most of the firemen were beautiful, beautiful men. so that doesn’t hurt either. god i love firemen. 

by the time i had made the mile long journey to the office, i was sweating balls. i could not peel off my layers fast enough, and started chugging water to bring my body temperature back down to normal. apparently, i had overlayered in anticipation of the non-existant blizzard, and instead had been trapped in the effects of global warming! blast!

the second morning, it was much of the same, although the firemen weren’t outside when i walked by, and there was a different man on the bench in the courtyard. on the walk home, i stopped into a pizza place in SOHO that promised to be 1 of the 5 best pizza places in the city, and i had a slice with broccoli, zucchini, and mushrooms which was simply, amazing. after i had finished, i continued the walk home, looking into restaurants and storefronts, each more of the new york i had been looking for. i feel so charmed by this whole city, as it seduces me with it’s endless row of shops and eateries and people and walks and sights and smells. 

plus, i realized that i’m staying 10 steps from a hot dog stand and a block from 3 right-in-a-row porn shops, which is pretty much the coolest thing i’ve discovered thus far.

touche, new york. touche.  

fast asleep.

on monday morning at 10am, i sat waiting in the lobby of LAX airport for my flight to start boarding. i got out my blueberry bagel and spread cream cheese on each half while listening to jeff buckley and wondering how it is i got so lucky to go to NY for a month for work. as i sat eating my bagel and listening to what kcpr referred to as “sad bastard music,” i took to people watching to pass the time. there was the cute, slightly douchebaggy looking business exec in the black peacoat, the diesel jeans, and black boots furiously texting on his blackberry, and the exhausted family of five laying on the floor by the window, and the older couple sitting quietly waiting for the attendant to call their group number. as we sat and waited, the woman half of the older couple started to drift off to sleep, her head doing the bob everytime her body wanted to sleep, but her mind urged her to stay awake. finally, the body gave in. by this time, my ipod had switched to iron and wine, and i was finishing the last bite of my bagel when i heard a familiar sound. i looked up to see if anyone else had heard what i had. the douchebaggy exec hadn’t looked up from his blackberry, the exhausted family of five was still down, and the older man half of the couple was staring straight ahead. suddenly, i hear the sound again. this time i pressed pause on the ipod to try and clarify what i heard. i look around, and my eyes focus on the older woman. she’s fallen fast asleep, and has begun to snore. at this point, her husband looks over at her. i hold my breath waiting for his reaction, as her snores grow exponentially louder. he continues looking at her, and a subtle grin creeps across his face. he does nothing to wake her, nothing to startle her, just continues to stare at her in both amazement and amusement. at this time, i begin to chuckle, and the old woman snores herself awake. she looks over at her husband, puzzled. her husband mentions nothing of the incident, simply says “did you have a nice nap?”i look over and smile at him, and he offers a knowing grin.true love reveals itself in the strangest of places.